Traditional Virgo Traits

Modest and shy
Meticulous and reliable
Practical and diligent
Intelligent and analytical

On the dark side….

Fussy and a worrier
Overcritical and harsh
Perfectionist and conservative
Well that doesn’t exactly put me into a summersaulting mood.

I know it’s stupid to believe in those things, but the scary thing is that I recognise myself into a lot of those things ( well besides the practical thing, I buy shoes that I can’t walk in, just because they look good, and buy bags smaller than a 5 euro note). But they’re not good qualities in my eyes. Being shy just stops you from make contact with people, being reliable is a good thing but I’m not most of the time, though I try, but that just makes me feel guily etc…

The thing I hate most about being a Virgo, is the perfectionist part. It makes me so frustrated. It’s making me hate my own art. When I take a photo, I either hate it immidiatly or love it and start hating it a week later. I keep on deleting more and more of my gallery just because I can’t believe I could have ever considered those pieces art.

The problem is that I’ve come to love art. I can spend hours studying artists and learning about different art styles. This has lead me to want to be succesful and wanting people to “adore my” pieces (just a little more feedback would be enough ). Not just my friends who like my art because they like me. I want to get into a good art college and make a living out of my photography in the long run. I want to live and breath art and creativity…

I know it sounds pretty desperate but when I’m taking photo’s it makes my heart pound and the corners of my mouth curl up.

So it brings tears in my eyes when I feel so proud of a photo but no one else seems to share that opinion. It makes me feel so insecure and makes me want to smash my camera to bits. But instead I’ll just write down my frustrations here. Maybe I’m being egocentric wishing myself succes. But it just frustrates me so much that apprently I lack the talent to live the life I want to lead.

Now I’ll probably end up studying bussiness administration and working in a 2 by 2 office till I die.
(Or according to Bianca, i’ll become a poor struggeling artist who doesn’t get recognizion till I’m dead, but I don’t think killing myself now will do any wonders)

EDIT!
The day after writing this, I got a note from someone on DeviantArt telling me that he featured me in his Deviantart Arcade and thought my gallery was wow.
So I should just stop being an insecure teenager, and start being professional!

I felt lonely today, I was sitting behind my computers just clicking around a bit, and wondering where everyone in my life had gone. Then my cat jumped on my lap, she never does that when i’m behind the computer. So it almost seems like she sensed that I was a bit down.

I love how unconditionally animals can “love” you. They don’t care if you gain weight, are grumpy or forget to call.

You just feed them and they love you, it’s perfect!!!

Sometimes I wish it would work that way with men too, not that I have anything to complain about, but it would make relationships a whole lot less complicated!

Love is in the Air